Introduction -- Mathew -- March 22 -- Dial-up delight -- Fecal matters -- Ladies' man -- Binge -- Anything for a dollar -- Disney princes -- Brace yourself -- The T-Mobile incident -- All the world's a stage -- The gay chapter -- High school camp counselor -- Editor in grief -- Thtory of my life -- The one that got away -- Unnecessary holiday traditions -- Crash course -- A love lesson -- 20 things I'd do if I were Beyonce for the day -- Holy matriphony -- If you can't beet 'em -- Mood killer -- The apple doesn't fall far -- Dream job -- Pleasure & Payne -- What Michelle Obama smells like -- How fitting -- Ten cummandments -- Hopeless toemantic -- Unhappiest birthday -- Melancholy fantasies.

The prominent LGBTQ YouTube social rights advocate presents a first collection of essays, written in his signature witty and uproarious style, that reveal such mishaps as a Cheesecake Factory meltdown, a fashion stand-off with the White House Secret Service and an embarrassing car crash.